12.06.2012

#thesamepage // vulnerable

{pictures has nothing to do w/ this post -- was looking through old vacation pictures and it made me happy}

I wrote a very abridged version of my college years a couple weeks ago.  One detail from my college story is when I was given the challenge, early in my freshman year, to be vulnerable.  My college minister, after just a few meetings, must have seen my masks from a million miles away.  The ones that I kept well groomed and exercised so that I could be a big fish in a little pond -- doing a little this and a little that.  The thinner I spread myself, the less authentic I became.  The less people knew me.  

Loved these quotes from Grace for the Good Girl (and by loved, i mean kinda hated -- they stung a bit, but were good for me):

"If you are anything like me, then you know the fine art of how to be vulnerable enough to people believe you are authentic, but not so vulnerable that all your mess hangs out.  You know how to be vulnerable with boundaries." -p86 
"We deflect the threat of closeness by learning to read others' responses to us.  In this, we simultaneously avoid and long for discovery." -p92 
"You train people to think you have no needs, but you are secretly angry with them for believing you." -p92

Well, man o man!  I feel like I should just stop talking after sharing those incriminating quotes.  I actually asked Rachael if I could have a doctors excuse from posting today -- I didn't know how to share without being: A.) debbie downer of conviction B.)  write from behind a mask  C.) sharing stories that are intertwined with others' and so wouldn't be fully mine to share here.  

(here is where I tell you that I have typed and erased several times)

And you know what? -- I think I am going to stop at that and share this scripture that is screaming through my thoughts right now:

Then Isaiah is so bold as to say, “I have been found by those who did not seek me; I have shown myself to those who did not ask for me.” -- Romans 10:20

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7 comments:

  1. I was literally just thinking this today because I realize how open I've been on Facebook. I used to be the girl that never posts or comments and now I'm all over the place. I think, how much is too much? It's me, but is it really? I struggle with that on the daily.

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  2. I think vulnerable with boundaries online is ok sometimes. My biggest gospel stories aren't mine to fully tell either, so they will never show up on my blog...even though they changed my heart the most.

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  3. This post really touched me. Thank you.

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  4. I LOVED this book and felt VERY convicted throughout most of it. It took me FOREVER to read it (over several months) because everything in it was like this - so rich and so needed to take root in my heart. I will definitely be reading it again. :)

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  5. You say so well here something I often think - when someone buys a book from me, I catch myself saying "I hope you enjoy the book!" and then under my breath, I also think "I hope it wrecks you!" Similarly when someone tells me how closely they can relate with what I've written, I never know if I should say "I'm so glad!" or "I'm so sorry."

    So many of us can relate with what you say here. I'm so glad you've said it.

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  6. FYI, I have been reading your blog and I love your heart. New follower :)

    Brittany
    brittanykytecreated.blogspot.com

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