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Feeling Christmas

I was looking through an old journal this morning and decided to share this entry form 6 years ago as I still find myself relating to it and think maybe some of y'all might too. 12-17-15  Oh, Christmas. What are you supposed to feel like? I know it’s not about sentiment. What is it that gets so disappointing? I’m misplacing my hope. My weariness takes over. I’m moving too fast. Attempting to do so much. Wasting my quiet in the wrong places. Why is there such a struggle to feel Christmas? Experience it. I know some of my longing is good. My desperate need for a Savior. Here. Now. real. Emmanuel. God with us. But my struggle is also tinged with the doubt that the Christ baby isn’t enough.  I get so angry at the popular “all I need is Jesus and a little bit of coffee…” But here I am fighting that all I need is a Christ baby and a Christmas tree and cold weather and cookies and good cheer… I’ll stop there but my list of “ands” is much longer I sorely confess. So

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