not to dare

Y'all. It's my birthday month. I'm turning 30 on the 31st.  And not because I'm turning a milestone age, but I think just because it is how my life has timed out, this is the year I dare to dare a bit more.  At the very least, explore some possibilities.  I'm excited for the scraped knees, the grey hair, and the effervescent joy that will be a part of the ride.  

I've always enjoyed birthdays.  I've actually been really excited about turning 30.  As in, I've been dreaming up ideas for my celebration and telling everyone about it since I turned 29.  I'm equally, or even more, excited about turning 31 next year -- my "golden" birthday.  31 on the 31st.  I'm thinking travel is in order.

And though I've been excited for months, as the day actually gets closer, I have a little bit of trepidation.  There is a bit of pressure.  I see why so many people dislike birthdays and would rather just disregard them as just another day on the calendar.  I feel that pull.  Just a little bit.  Have I spent my 30 years well?  Have I made a name for myself?  Do I appropriately find the balance of acting maturely my age but at the same time carry a whimsical young spirit?  I get those who don't want to celebrate.  Maybe it is fear of finding that they have disappointed themselves?  Maybe it is fear that their friends will disappoint them in a lack of celebration with them if they dare to celebrate themselves?  Anxiety of the responsibilities that some with age?

But there is much to celebrate.  There is much to celebrate everyday, birthday or not. I woke up this morning and am here typing the words.  Hallelujah.  What a Savior that I'm even able to live this day.  So I will celebrate 30.  If I truly believe that God is who he says he is and that he works all things together for my good and his glory.  If I believe that.  If I believe that he has been intricately involved in my life -- his tender hand of mercy and grace continually drawing me closer to himself all these last (almost) 30 years.  Shouldn't I stop to celebrate?  Not my goodness.  But His.

And not that there needs to be a party or presents.  I won't be raising a toasting glass to celebrate "how good of a life I've made," but I will pour out myself with thankfulness as I look back at 30 years of blessings and faithfulness and the life that He has chosen for me.

And I am quite excited about 30.  The more you grow the more you realize how much growing you have left to do.  My time's not finished yet.  To say I'm getting old would mean that I'm expiring.  I'd rather like to think that as believers it is quite the opposite.  As we submit ourselves to Christ and His will, He is making us NEW.  Not old.

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