top: ASOS maternity // boyfriend jeans c/o Soon Maternity // head scarf: my grammie's // Oscar: French Bulldog
sandals (i wear these basically everyday w/ everything): Lotta from Stokholm // baby bump: 21 1/2 weeks
It makes sense that this pregnancy would be different than the last time. The obvious - I'm two years older. I have a toddler to chase around. I'm having a boy. Those alone stand to make things vastly different. And we don't even have to go into any of my "pregnancy side affects" that I'm getting to experience this time. All that aside, it is different.
And different isn't bad. It's actually beautifully good. I don't mean that in a "last time was awful and anything but beautiful" way, but in a way that I feel what I'm calling the two C's: Confident & Calm.
I'm by no means a pregnancy pro (if that exists?) - I have friends at church who have done the pregnancy dance 8 or more times! But there is something about having walked this path before -- having already gained the weight, felt the heart burn, bore the rude comments and unnecessarily told horror stories, and made it to the other side.
The first time, I must admit, was an easy pregnancy in terms of things. But two things I allowed myself to do was worry and doubt. Doubt myself. Doubt what my body was meant to do. Doubt that I would feel beautiful on the other side of pregnancy. Worry that things were wrong with my body or the baby. Worry that I was "being pregnant wrong," or not bonding with the baby inside of me correctly, or enough, or even at all. I was embarrassed that I wasn't goo goo gaa gaa loooove being pregnant.
This time? No, I'm sure I don't have it all right, but I do have a peace. The truths that kept repeating in my heart, but I didn't pay attention to quite enough last time, have sunk deeper into my being and soak every part of my day.
Because this is the truth: I am pregnant by blessing of a loving Savior. My body was created not just to be able to bear a child, but to bear this child. My body is beautiful -- made without mistake. The stretch marks and oddly replaced "parts" after delivery are marks of a warrior woman. If the worst were to happen, I will still have 10 Million reasons to give praise God. People's comments rarely come out of ugly places, but just out of a desire to connect with me & I need to give them grace. Comparison is not just the thief of joy, but will tear your down to the core. OH, and so much more.
It's different this go.
It's different this go.
Linking up w/ Because Shanna Said So, The Pleated Poppy, Dear Abby Leigh, & Style Elixir with this post!
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