stream of thought from a weighty day



Sometime the best thing to do when you have no idea what you want to blog about is to just sit down with your computer and start typing.  Here I am.  That's what I'm doing.  Hopefully this stream of fluid nonsense will turn into something meaningful as my mind wanders from one topic to the next.  No edits or take baks.  Just writing.  Lots of things are on my mind.  None of which are light hearted enough to share today.  Honestly, I just don't quite feel like blogging.  Not today.  Today was a weighty day.  One of those days that I felt like running.  Physically going on a run.  (you should know that I go in spurts as a "runner" -- month stretches where i must run 5 days a week and months stretches where i don't run at all... i'm in a "not-run-at-all stretch).  

I felt like running today, but I didn't.  It would have been an anger run.  Angry at who I don't know.  Maybe the more appropriate title is an escape run.  When life feels hard (for me, or in empathy of someone else) sometimes all I want to do is pound something.  I choose to pound the pavement.  If I can't control the world, I can, to an extent, control my body.  I can run till I can't breathe and be in charge of the consequences.  But mostly, even though I feel like I'm headed out to run so that I am master, my body masters me.  And as it does, I feel alive.  The realness of my shortness of breath.  The fatigue of my legs.  The numbness of my nose and fingers despite the sweat on my neck. All these things point to the fact that I am not my own.  And in that, there is the relief.  

I went to a memorial service this afternoon.  And the sermon earlier today was the miracle of Lazarus being raised from the dead.  I mentioned it was a weighty day.  Both the services made me long for the day of Jesus' return, and yet at the same time also lent me hope and excitement for the life I have been afforded here and now.  

From today's services:

To live is Christ, but to die is gain.  -- Philippians 1:21

"To love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with the hobbies sand little luxuries; avoid all entanglement.  Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vulnerable."  -- C.S. Lewis

Then hear, O gracious Savior,

accept the love we bring,

that we who know your favor

may serve you as our king;

and whether our tomorrows
be filled with good or ill,
we'II triumph through our sorrows
and rise to bless you still:
to marvel at your beauty
and glory in your ways,
and make a joyful duty
our sacrifice of praise.
-- O God beyond All Praising

"But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at least they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."  -- The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis

O grave, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? -- 1 Corinthians 15:55

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and that, there, is my stream of consciousness.


{linking up with #justwrite and #lww}

4 comments...:

  1. Richness, beauty, wonder, pain, realness. I love you so.

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  2. Thanks for sharing this Blair. I hope that today you are comforted by the Lord and that He will sustain you. Thank you for sharing this. I woke up with my son this morning at 4:30 to feed him, and got the news that I beloved friend and hero in my personal faith had passed away. I am sorrowful, but also so happy that He is with Jesus. I read your post when I couldn't sleep this morning, and your words brought me comfort. So thank you.

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  3. "To love is to be vulnerable". Wow, that's AWESOME. Thanks for sharing your heart, I sure love you to pieces!

    ReplyDelete

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