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It's a bumpy road...

This weekend I struggled through a very hard run.  I've been back to "running" for about two weeks now & have been so frustrated with how out of shape I feel.  Yes... I know... I just had a baby!!!  And I feel like I'm giving myself a fair break, but I just didn't expect it to be so hard and feel so awful.  Running postpartum, for me, is 10x worse than trying to run after just taking a 5 month hiatus out of laziness/busyness.  It is a whole different ball game.  First of all, my abs feel like strange (and somewhat painful) aliens when I run -- I've never felt that before.  My cardio is of course lacking.  And gosh darn it, pushing a jogging stroller is a full body workout all in itself!

I know I need to be patient with myself and that it is a long road.  I feel pretty comfortable in this new and ever-changing skin of mine.  I've lost a good amount of the weight, but still have a couple of handful of lbs to go to get back into most of my pants.  I'd be okay with being this new size, if it wouldn't be so expensive to replace my whole wardrobe.  I mean, you don't want me to have to go naked right?

After my ugly run, I spent sometime looking at Magnolia's blog (she has her own private blog that is kind of like a "baby book" that is just for fam and close friends to read).  I cannot even believe how big she is!!  I mean, I know it was only 3 (almost) months ago, but I look back at early pictures and it feels like so long ago.  Also on this blog is a page dedicated completely to "the bump."  

To remind you...
Looking back at these pictures I was humbled.  Sitting there sweaty and brooding over the extra lbs. and yearning to be "back to normal," in shape, and closer to what the world says is perfect, I was struck by the magnitude of how beautiful I felt when I was pregnant.  35+lbs. heavier with swollen ankles, my beauty had nothing to do with body shape or lung capacity -- but radiated from within.   

I look at the round belly in those pictures above, and the woman carrying it and am filled with profound joy.  My body is beautiful.  It was wonderfully made.

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{top photo credit: Kelsey Freeman}

8 comments...:

  1. what a great post and great perspective!!!

    I totally know the postpartum running feeling...nothing worse!

    Give yourself time!

    It took me exactly 5 months to lose my baby weight (bleh)...and ohhh the irony..that very day I had a positive pregnancy test for bebe #2!!

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  2. this is definitely a great perspective. you really were beautiful when pregnant and you are a beautiful mama now! nice work with the dedication to running though even when it's hard! you are awesome!

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  3. I was shocked at just how out of shape I was after having Levi, also. It felt as if I had never worked out a day in my life. Felt so strange. BUT our bodies are incredible and when you think about how hard they worked to create a little life (a little life!!). It certainly takes that post-baby-body edge off. :)

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  4. Good for you to have such a positive outlook. You have looked beautiful in every stage of your life. Nothing will ever change that.

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  5. Perfect words, lovely mama! This is something I'll be faced with in a mere matter of weeks. I've been a little anxious to get back into work-out mode:-) xoxo

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  6. Three years later I still have 40+ pounds to lose and it makes me sad regularly. BUT . . . I'm never ever sad to hold my little girl or see the miracle that she is. So even though I think its okay to not be happy with ones physical state, it helps to get that perspective that comes with loving someone else more than yourself. There is nothing greater on this earth :)

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  7. You are beautiful Blair, pre-bump, in-bump and post-bump. Thanks for the fresh perspective...Xo, Katie

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