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A New Answer

For the past several weeks I've looked at my sweet daughter and had a perplexing feeling of sadness.  I wasn't sad for me, but was sad for her.  I couldn't quite figure it out.  She has never seemed unhappy or in need, but something was just unsettling to me and seemed out of place.  For a while I didn't give it much consideration -- it was a passing thought of puzzlement from time to time as I fed her or played with her.  Finally, just this past week, and quite out of the blue it hit me.  I was projecting loneliness on her.  Without naming the emotion, what I had been feeling was an anxiety over the fact that Magnolia was without a twin and without a best friend.  

To you perhaps this is quizzical.  More babies than not are born alone.  I have never been alone.  I don't know what it feels like.  I have always and will for ever have a best friend in my twin sister.  Sure we joke about it -- that we are "womb mates," but the fact of the matter is I was specially blessed in my birth.  

People have always asked the question, "Do you like being a twin?"  My usual answer has come with a tone of amusement tinged with annoyance, "How am I supposed to know? I've never had anything else to compare it to" (rude, I know).

Perhaps now, as a mother of one, I do have a comparison.  In all honesty, though, they are incomparable.  I know that Magnolia isn't lonely & that she is happy and she is loved.  But still, she will never know what I know.  So as I reflect on my feelings of the last several weeks I feel my answer to the old question will now be a bit more complex and come from a deeper place of my heart.

Do I like being a twin?

Yes.  It was the very first joy of my life.    
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13 comments...:

  1. ugh love. thats the same way that I feel about my sister, not my twin, but sometimes I pretend she is. I really truly feel so very sad for everyone without a sister.

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  2. so so precious!!! you are an amazing sister and a wonderful mother!

    PS - LOVE the hair! :)

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  3. wow. what an astounding realization! i am not a twin but i do have a younger sister and my first memory is of being at the hospital when she was born. because it is my first memory i'd have to say it was the very first joy of my life as well.

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  4. Awww this was sweet! I've always wondered what it felt like to have a twin! Guess we will never know the other side:-)

    I've so missed your blog, I think I'm baaack! Lol

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  5. I always answer the same when people ask me if I like it to be an only child. ; )

    xo

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  6. i love this. i've never really heard too much talk about being a twin. It really is a special blessing from the Lord to have someone there who is so closely connected to you throughout your life.

    ♥cheche

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  7. Thanks for sharing this moment. I and my daughter both are first-borns (right now, she's an only child). Even though I often feel sad for her because she has no siblings--still waiting...--anyways, I feel a special bond with my daughter because of it. Never considered what it might be like, in your shoes. Don't worry, Love, she'll be fine. :)

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  8. You know...you could have Irish twins and ease that feeling a bit. ;)

    I've always wanted twins. Don't know what it is, but ever since I was little (as a non twin) I've always wanted them.

    Emily w/Amazing Grapes

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  9. What a beautiful post, Blair, and such interesting thoughts on it all! It's almost something like what I think about if I had a brother, since I have only sisters...you sometimes wonder what that would be like, but don't know because it wasn't a part of you life! I am sure, as you said, that Magnolia is as happy as ever! :)

    Liesl :)

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  10. This is so sweetly written and so sweet in thought! My mom is a twin and the closeness of their connection still fascinates me. For as far back as I know of, every other generation of my mom's family has had twins. My sister and I--or both!--will likely have twins.
    But really, to me, it doesn't even matter that my sister and I are four years apart. We're close as can be, but also got to enjoy our own special closeness with our parents.

    I always feel a little bit sorry for my friends that are only children--I want to absorb them into my family so that they can experience the joys (and trials, too!) of having siblings.

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  11. I completely relate to your usual response to people asking me what it's like to be a twin; it's hard to explain because I have never known anything else. But I love having a built-in best friend, and I love how fairly my parents always treated us, and I also love how different we are (in looks and personality, as we're fraternal). My sister and I now live (temporarily) several states away from each other, and it's sad. We started a blog as a way of sharing pictures with each other, which helps, but it's not enough!

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