Don't Go Changin'
*This post is a "rerun" originally "aired" in May as a guest post on So, About What I Said*
What is the cost of love? Sadly, a lot of times, the ultimate expense for women is their individuality, dignity, and self confidence. I believe we have all fallen, at one point or another, into the habit of sacrificing who we are in order to accommodate the desires and expectations of the man of our affections. While we quest for love, we forget to love ourselves. Perhaps the worst part of it all is that most of society and social media points us all in this direction. The ads scream at us, “wear/drink/buy/do/don't do/be xyz & you will be loved beyond your wildest dreams.”
So we start to buy into it. We give up things we like, we lie about what we are good at, we starve ourselves, we pay money to change our looks...before we know it, not even we know who we are. And if God forbid, one shallow man does give us a glance, we only spiral deeper into the lies that these sacrifices are truly the road to real love. Is that glance worth it? Say you start dating said man, he is attracted to the glitz & glamour you have dressed up in – maybe it's the high profile job (you hate it, but it pays the bills), maybe its the designer outfit (you're in debt to keep up with the trends), maybe its a level of affection you've decided to give more freely...whatever it might be, is it you? And maybe it will feel like love for a while, maybe it will feel like walking on air, and maybe you'll feel beautiful, but for how long will we believe? The truth of the matter is, if we aren't being ourselves & loving ourselves for who we are, not only are we incapable of receiving true love, but we are incapable of giving it.
Hear me when I say this, its not wrong to want designer outfits, try something new, or even change your looks, but we've got to do it for ourselves and for no one else. Our actions should solidify who we are, not confuse. Rest in the quiet confidence of who you are & you will be loved.
I'm not someone to write comments like this, and I've been told a thousand times before to not fall into this trap of belittling myself for men, etc., etc. But tonight I really needed to hear this message, and what you wrote really got through to me. I have a divine nature. Sometimes I forget that. Thank you for reminding me when I needed to remember.ReplyDelete
So many women equate having a man with self esteem when really all they need in life is right there inside themselves.ReplyDelete
Well said. I'm forwarding this one to my daughter today.ReplyDelete
Amen sista!!! I'm glad that you mentioned how we lie about what we're good at. That always baffled me, but I found myself doing it over and over. I mean, it wasn't because I was trying to be modest or humble. I was actually embarrassed of the talents that God had given me... It's still a struggle for me, but I'm really learning to love myself for me...ReplyDelete
Love this. It's so true.ReplyDelete
So true! I really think I got lucky because I definitely found a man who encourages me to do things and to be myself. That confidence in me has rubbed off and although I still desire sometimes to be something else he always grounds me right back with his compliments and love for the real me.ReplyDelete
This is pretty brilliant. I love it. You should submit it to the peace train or love train at this gal's blog! http://a-whole-lottalove.blogspot.com/2010/11/favorite-foto-friday-jump-for-joy.htmlReplyDelete
and thanks for the header love, I think it's a word in progress. sigh. :)
Blair, this is one of my favorite guest posts. Thanks again!! xoxoReplyDelete
true... very trueReplyDelete
Such a powerful post. And yes, I see this all the time with the youth I work with. And I have fallen into it when I was younger and searching for my one and only. Even when you find your love, you still have to stay connected to who you are and maintain that self love and self respect. Dating or not, wherever you are in life, I believe what you describe here is true and empowering. Thanks love!ReplyDelete
Hell Yeah girl!!! Thanks for the reminder!! This is something we need to always remember! =) Have a great weekend!!ReplyDelete
Popped in to say hi! I love your blog! It's so whimsical and delightful!ReplyDelete
I couldn't agree more, and at the risk of inducing yak, a spiritual connection (of your choice) has really helped me get okay with who I am, too. Also helping other people makes me feel so much better about myself! XX!ReplyDelete
Awesome- I'm trying not to cryReplyDelete
thanks so much
I truly love this post. It is so important and so true. Too often we lose our individuality, and for what?ReplyDelete
Hope you are having a fantastic weekend :)
I loved reading this, glad you "re-aired" it. Sometimes we need gentle reminders like this, thank you:-)ReplyDelete
It is SO much more fun to dress for yourself and not for others or according to trends or rules!ReplyDelete
this is why i love reading your blog friend!!ReplyDelete
hope all is well.
Blair, I love you :) You're the best xoReplyDelete
Blair, thanks so much for sharing this post! I totally needed to read it, right at this moment (how serendipitous!). I totally lost myself (like my love of bad jokes, listening to music, and regular gymgoing) as my relationship got worse and worse. I thought that he wanted me to be there for him and make him happy (actually he specifically said such things), so that's what I put all energy into. It's sort of disgusting to think about that, in retrospect, but likely better to learn and work past sooner than later.ReplyDelete
Whew! All that was to say: great post!