Because I Need Reminding...
This house hunt/buying has certainly come with its pangs. Transition & big decisions (however much I may mask it at times) affect me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. God please just show me your plan! Patience I can lack! If you should find this hard to believe- call my mom and ask her about my first week of freshman year in high school, first week of sophomore year, junior,…college, ect. Marring David is probably the one decision I had no hesitation or anxiety about (Praise the Lord!) Now, although most transitions and decisions do bring forth some amounts of suffering for me, this is not to say that I remain a wretch. God has faithfully always brought me through the valley of self despair and confusion into hope, joy, and trust – and thankfully by God’s grace, all of these journeys have worked toward my continual process of sanctification.
The house hunt and the ensuing drama has been a scale yanker for me – (as in C.S. Lewis’ Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Eustace, because of his greed and rotten attitude, finds himself turned into a Dragon. In order to bring Eustace back to the form for which he was created, Aslan has to painfully tear off Eustace’s dragon scales with his Lion claws. It hurts Eustace, but he is all the more beautiful for it.) I have tried to no avail to remain in control over every circumstance of this process – control of the finances, the sellers, the acceptance of our offers, the inspections, the repairs, the renovation, the timing. However, I know that I simply can’t - and God is good to remind me of this.
As I underwent the challenges of waiting on acceptance on the offer of the green Eastside house my body ached in disagreement to my worry. I was not trusting God – but was attempting to rely on my own self assurance & own timing. We all know how anxiety and stress affects our physical bodies. For some of us it might just be a head ache or loss of appetite- for others its ulcers, hair loss, and symptoms even more extreme. Before hearing back from the other realtor the Lord gave me a new revelation on our bodies’ responses to our mistrusting natures.
Romans 8:22-26 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope, for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered.
Since the fall, all of creation has been crying out for Christ’s return. Our bodies are not separate from “all of creation,” but are at the top of the list as a very good creation! In my sin, in my mistrust, in my self-righteous attempts to control my life, my body will cry out to its creator for redemption. Stress, anxiety, fear, and worry were not what my body was created for – it will and shall revolt! In this revolting I am met by the Spirit as He hears my body’s cry, interceding for me – returning me to hope. I have a mighty Creator!
So now as David and I wait on inspection and repair details, lending details, rehab details – I still find myself stir crazy. Excuse me?! Um, I thought I said I wanted XYZ and I wanted it now! God is calling on me for patience and above all - faith. Do I trust who He promises that He is?!
Blessesd assurance, Jesus is mine!
Psalm 27:14 Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!
"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart…. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off…. Then he caught hold of me… and threw me into the water…. After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me… in new clothes." Voyage of the Dawn Treader