Need a new job??

As a precursor to what you are about to read, you should know that this past weekend Jessica, Courtney, and I took a short little trip over to the Celebrity Center (about 5 miles from my apt.) to see if they did infact have celebrities at their center. Court and I made the bad judgement call of venturing inside. Here we were introduced to a creepy mortician-like character named Bob. LONG and CREEPY story made short,...I walked out with an application for hire. (Also, let me acknowledge that this post may come accross judgemental/condecsending and for that I apologize to some degree.)

The Church of Scientology is hiring. Here are a few questions included in the application if you are interested:

24. What Street drugs have you taken and how many times have you taken them?
34. Please list any self-betterment or religious groups you have belonged to.
41. Have you ever committed any felonies for which you weren't caught?
42. Have you ever been involved in prostitution, homosexuality, illegal sex, or any sexual perversion? Give who, where, when, what on each instance.
46/47. Have you ever had electric/insulin shock?
50. Are you related to or connected to intelligence agencies or either by past history or immediate familial connections?

Furthermore the following is a handful of "truths" you must attest to:

1. I am not a flagrant criminal or wanted.
2. I have had no institutional history of psychosis.
4. I am not an active drug pusher.
7. I am not related to or connected to intelligence agencies either by past history of immediate familial connections.
8. I do not have a parent or guardian or other close family who is a rabid antagonist of Scientology.

    Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to
    spread its iniquity elsewhere. -C.S. Lewis